Sincerity is not to say everything you think but to mean everything you say.
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Paradise is not a place, it's a state of mind.
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Never try to destroy someone else's life with a lie when yours can be destroyed with the truth.
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Those who wish to sing, always find a song.
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Retirement: World's longest coffee break.
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During sex it's perfectly fine to say "YEAH", "YES", and "OH YES", but how awkward would it be if someone kept screaming "YEP"?
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Morning sex: proven to be more effective than coffee.
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Have patience. Everything is difficult before it is easy.
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If hindsight of some women was as good as their foresight, they wouldn't be wearing slacks.
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Don't lend money to friends -- it causes amnesia.
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A liberal is a socialist with a wife and two children.
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You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
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He who dies with the most toys wins.
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The wages of sin are unreported.
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Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking.
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Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
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We'll be friends until we're old and senile, then we'll be new friends.
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Tact carries a bunch of curiously-fashioned keys, that open all kinds of doors.
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The British Harbinger, April 1, 1870
Pile up enough tomorrows and you'll end up with nothing but a bunch of empty yesterdays.
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Silence is true wisdom's reply.
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