American artist, poet & humorist (1866-1951)
The most ignorant woman can become a great actress, under the stress of emotion.
GELETT BURGESS
Find the Woman
Love endeth like the chianti flask, its drops are bitter.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
There are secrets so dangerous that to possess them is foolhardy. It is like storing dynamite in one's drawing-room; an explosion is always imminent, and publication would mean disaster.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
Hast thou given the first kiss to a maiden? Write her speedily on the morrow before she giveth thee fierce words; assure her and comfort her woe; let her remorse be abated, give unto her an excuse for her conduct.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
I have known secrets myself, so outrageous, so bulging with scandal, that, had I not promptly forgotten them, they would have undone society twenty times over! There is a titillating pleasure in the keeping of such terrific truths and it increases one's inward pride to think that one knows of another what, if told, would change the aspect of a life.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
My son, when thou sayest: All women are liars, it is easy to thee. But he who perceiveth when they are lying, I say unto thee, he is a man of understanding.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Noah: Derived from His Experience with Women
Son, if a maiden love thee, thou shalt appear handsome in her sight; she shall praise thine eyes, and the corners of thy mouth, yea, she shall admire thy hands. Though thou wert even as the orangutan yet shall she paint thee with fancies.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
The villager may have this hidden wisdom as clearly as the man who has seen and done, who has fought, loved and travelled far and well.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
The joy of creation does not fade, for in that lies our divinity and our claim to eternity.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
Many a maid have I won by a quarrel, when flattery was in no wise helpful; but take heed that thou art in the wrong, so that thou mayest acknowledge thine error.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
A maiden's first kiss cometh hard, yea, it is as the first olive out of a bottle, requiring much skill; but the rest are easy.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
Propose not to a woman when she hath gotten a new frock, nor when she is puffed up with victories; when she reigneth and rejoiceth in her hour of triumph, come not nigh unto her; but when she be ill or weary, when she is cast down in spirit and needeth a comforter, then be thou ready, and make thy suit.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
Time was when we made our own toys; when a piece of twine, a spool, a few nails and a bit of imagination could keep us busy and happy all day long.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
Hurry not a woman's favor; neither forcer her hastily to surrender to thee. For she goeth into love as she goeth into the waters at the seashore; first a hand and then a lip goeth she in by littles. She diveth not, she leapeth not from the pier; but by gentle shocks and cries of protest she entereth slowly; yet when the waters of love encompass her, then she is supported. She swimmeth in her joy; she floateth on the tide of happiness.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
Repeat not the manner of a flirtation; for lo, all the world shall hear of it, and women will taunt thee.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
Her heart consenteth before her lips say: Yea; and in this interval lieth her Paradise; wherefore she would prolong it.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
No man knoweth how another man maketh his love, for women tell not.
GELETT BURGESS
The Maxims of Methuselah
The sense of humor is essentially cruel, and therefore really kind people never have any at all.
GELETT BURGESS
Two O'clock Courage
When the day is done, and that entrancing hour is come for which some spend many of their waking hours in anticipation, to those blessed with fancy, the curtain of the dark arises, and within the theatre of the Night are played strange comedies.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace
Nature is the universal playmate, perpetually parodying herself in miniature for the benefit of those who love to amuse themselves with her toys. Every brook is a little river, every pond an unfathomable sea. She plants tiny forests of fern and raises microscopic mountains in every sand-bank.
GELETT BURGESS
The Romance of the Commonplace