quotations from The Simpsons
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody! Peace, man.
BART
"Bart the General", The Simpsons
It does not matter which way you vote. Either way your planet is doomed. Doomed. Doomed!
KANG
"Treehouse of Horror VII", The Simpsons
Ah. The searing kiss of hot lead; how I missed you. I mean, I think I'm dying.
APU
"Homer and Apu", The Simpsons
Non-violence never solved anything!
MR. BURNS
The Simpsons
Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep ... in a giant blender.
HOMER
The Simpsons
It's filth! It graphically portrays parts of the human body, which, practical as they may be, are evil!
HELEN LOVEJOY
"Itchy and Scratchy and Marge", The Simpsons
Oh, kids are great! You can teach them to hate what you hate!
HOMER
The Simpsons
Son, stamp collecting is like life. It stopped being fun a long time ago.
HOMER
The Simpsons
The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off.
SIDESHOW BOB
"Treehouse of Horror XXVI", The Simpsons
Oh, meltdown. It's one of these annoying buzzwords. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus.
MR. BURNS
"Homer Defined", The Simpsons
You know, when I was a girl, I always dreamed of being in a Broadway audience.
MARGE
The Simpsons
Television! Teacher, mother, secret lover.
HOMER
The Simpsons
You'd think a house full of crazy people would be fun. It's actually really depressing.
BART
"Papa Don't Leech", The Simpsons
I hope I didn't brain my damage.
HOMER
The Simpsons
It's okay, Marge. I learned my lesson. A mountain of sugar is too much for one man. That is why God dispenses it in those tiny packets and he lives on a plantation in Hawaii.
HOMER
"Lisa's Rival", The Simpsons
Homie, the fantasy draft just ended. I got you five kickers. It is called football, right?
MARGE
"The Wreck of the Relationship", The Simpsons
I won't apologize, Lisa. I'm sorry, but that's just the way that I am.
HOMER
The Simpsons
I thought I'd never hear the screams of pain or see the look of terror in a young man's eyes. Thank heaven for children!
GRAMPA
"Bart the General", The Simpsons
Shut up, brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-Tip!
HOMER
The Simpsons
Okay, Marge, we can go to the circus, maybe I can finally find out why a man would think a stool is a proper defense against a lion.
HOMER
"Bart's New Friend", The Simpsons